a letter of love to my stress, anxiety & depression
I used to be ashamed to admit that I had depression. Stress ... well, I wore that one on my sleeve. On top of that, I would have anxiety because I was so stressed and depressed. Vicious, horrible circle. And becoming a mom – holy anxiety that comes with raising a human!! Where did it start and where and when does it end? I’ve learned over the years that, well, it doesn’t always end. And I have now learned that it is okay.
Growing up, I used to think that I was alone. I mean when you’re a kid and you’re feeling sad for no reason, you don’t know how to express that or really understand it. I would feel ungrateful because I had a really wonderful life with two unbelievably loving, caring, and devoted parents. And it turned out, I was so not alone in any of that, and in turn, neither is anyone else. I am so fortunate to have a mom that is so expressive and understanding. She not only told me that I wasn’t alone but also showed me. Homegirl has been in therapy since she was really young. And that’s cool. My one therapist as a child used to let me have the last 15 minutes to play games – I mean what kid would be ashamed of that? And 20 years later, I have been able to help so many people in my life because of my experiences.
As I have gotten older and immersed myself into the “real world”, there have been many times where I have lapsed into the darkness of my demons. Whether it was working multiple 14-hour days or a relationship ending with the person I thought I was going to spend my life with, the fear and monsters would rear their ugly heads. They would lock me into my own internal darkness, confining me to my bed, shunning the outside world, restraining me from proactively seeking help, or even allowing me to accept the help that was offered.
And for all of this, I am grateful. You know why? Because it means that I am capable of feeling. I am capable of surviving. I am capable of overcoming adversities and obstacles, no matter the size. I am alive. And when we think about it this way, we can be happy – grateful even. Happy knowing that this state is only temporary. We can be grateful that we are alive and can feel and we can move forward ready to face head-on the next challenge that comes our way.
And for me, ALL of this led me to Jordana & Parker - my whole world.
So instead of pitying ourselves for being afraid, for being insecure, for being sad, let’s smile and thank the Universe that we are alive. Remember, it could be a lot worse. And ultimately, that there is a reason we experienced the bad. If we didn’t ever feel bad, we wouldn’t be able to appreciate the good. This will be a lifelong challenge for many of us, but I dare you to join me.
There are two ways to live: you can live as if nothing is a miracle, or you can live as if everything is a miracle.
– Albert Einstein
